i feel like i want to share what i am going through because if i don't write it down, i think i really am going to suffer more than i already am ~

back a few months ago, during the summer holidays when i went to stay around my cousin maggie's house, i started to get these nightmares, which i wish would just go away, i didn't pay much attention as i thought they was just nightmares and they will fade sooner or later anyways, well basically the nightmares i had then was always the same, up until now they are still the same, but slightliy different, theres a little girl, i have no idea who the little girl is, or what she looks like as i can't see her face, and theres other people around her these people have no faces, and it's strange it's not scary like in other nightmares i've had previously but its frightening and freaky, every person in the dream has no facial features, they have hair but thats about it, they're slightly blury aswell, i thought i was just stressing so i didn't pay much attention but when i went home things got worse, the nightmares have screams in them, screams of pain or agony, like someone is in desperate need of help, i keep waking up over that...
and before i knew it, i kept waking up at the same specific time around 3am-4am i would wake up, and i didn't even realize it until the 6th time that i never had enough sleep anymore, i hated this feeling, not only is it creepy to mention that i would wake up, but i would just sit there and do nothing... not going to the bathroom, getting a drink or anything just sitting there :/
that was when i decided to tell my parents the first time that i keep having nightmares, however they just said i probably watched too much horror movies or stressing out to much or something like that, i just said 'ok' but infact i knew that this wasn't the cause, i thought it was to do with stress and horror movies, but i had no stress at this time of day, and i haven't watched any horror movies in ages, plus these nightmares aren't murder bloody violence nightmares it's just.. mentally thrilling nightmares if that makes any sense at all. so i didn't tell my parents and started to look for an answer on the internet, i didn't get much of an answer, no one seems to have what i am having apart from the only answer was i was inviting darkness into my life like stories, horror movies, games and etc, but i don't read stories,or watched horror movie's let alone playing games, then another person said that they had this problem when they had symptons of mental illness or leading onto mental illness, but i know that's not the cause or well i don't think so, i still don't have the courage to go to the doctor and ask why :(
about 2 months ago i told my parents again and this time my mum thought of something even more ridiculous by putting these crosses in my bedroom as she thinks i am seeing things, which i don't know if it's true or not but the crosses don't seem to be working so i guess its not that either..
my mum took me to the buddhist temple one saturday to pray for peace and after that i have got to admit my nightmares have faded for a couple of weeks, but after 2 weeks or so the nightmares started to come back and this time they mumble words to me, i still can't understand what they're saying half the time since i always wake up, but they say things like 'leave us alone' or something like that, i can no longer tell my parents, since i don't want them to worry, the only person i have told is my cousin samantha, since i can tell her anything but i feel like dying inside of me since i can't express it out to anyone, i am scared to sleep, i'm scared to even close my eyes, because i don't want to have the nightmare, i don't know how to tell anyone this in person or even when my parents ask me 'have you had an nightmare lately' all i can say is 'no', i keep hearing things that aren't real, i stare out of space during a conversation or even when i'm walking, i'm so tired i can hardly open my eyes when i'm in school and i sometimes hallucinate things thats all probably due to the fact that i have lack of sleep, i feel like screaming out but i really can't and i really wanna tell my parents but i can't..


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i feel like i want to share what i am going through because if i don't write it down, i think i really am going to suffer more than i already am ~

back a few months ago, during the summer holidays when i went to stay around my cousin maggie's house, i started to get these nightmares, which i wish would just go away, i didn't pay much attention as i thought they was just nightmares and they will fade sooner or later anyways, well basically the nightmares i had then was always the same, up until now they are still the same, but slightliy different, theres a little girl, i have no idea who the little girl is, or what she looks like as i can't see her face, and theres other people around her these people have no faces, and it's strange it's not scary like in other nightmares i've had previously but its frightening and freaky, every person in the dream has no facial features, they have hair but thats about it, they're slightly blury aswell, i thought i was just stressing so i didn't pay much attention but when i went home things got worse, the nightmares have screams in them, screams of pain or agony, like someone is in desperate need of help, i keep waking up over that...
and before i knew it, i kept waking up at the same specific time around 3am-4am i would wake up, and i didn't even realize it until the 6th time that i never had enough sleep anymore, i hated this feeling, not only is it creepy to mention that i would wake up, but i would just sit there and do nothing... not going to the bathroom, getting a drink or anything just sitting there :/
that was when i decided to tell my parents the first time that i keep having nightmares, however they just said i probably watched too much horror movies or stressing out to much or something like that, i just said 'ok' but infact i knew that this wasn't the cause, i thought it was to do with stress and horror movies, but i had no stress at this time of day, and i haven't watched any horror movies in ages, plus these nightmares aren't murder bloody violence nightmares it's just.. mentally thrilling nightmares if that makes any sense at all. so i didn't tell my parents and started to look for an answer on the internet, i didn't get much of an answer, no one seems to have what i am having apart from the only answer was i was inviting darkness into my life like stories, horror movies, games and etc, but i don't read stories,or watched horror movie's let alone playing games, then another person said that they had this problem when they had symptons of mental illness or leading onto mental illness, but i know that's not the cause or well i don't think so, i still don't have the courage to go to the doctor and ask why :(
about 2 months ago i told my parents again and this time my mum thought of something even more ridiculous by putting these crosses in my bedroom as she thinks i am seeing things, which i don't know if it's true or not but the crosses don't seem to be working so i guess its not that either..
my mum took me to the buddhist temple one saturday to pray for peace and after that i have got to admit my nightmares have faded for a couple of weeks, but after 2 weeks or so the nightmares started to come back and this time they mumble words to me, i still can't understand what they're saying half the time since i always wake up, but they say things like 'leave us alone' or something like that, i can no longer tell my parents, since i don't want them to worry, the only person i have told is my cousin samantha, since i can tell her anything but i feel like dying inside of me since i can't express it out to anyone, i am scared to sleep, i'm scared to even close my eyes, because i don't want to have the nightmare, i don't know how to tell anyone this in person or even when my parents ask me 'have you had an nightmare lately' all i can say is 'no', i keep hearing things that aren't real, i stare out of space during a conversation or even when i'm walking, i'm so tired i can hardly open my eyes when i'm in school and i sometimes hallucinate things thats all probably due to the fact that i have lack of sleep, i feel like screaming out but i really can't and i really wanna tell my parents but i can't..


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Site name: Girlish Diary
Site link: http://marychee.blogspot.com/
Site opened: 01/ August/ 2010 (The Newest)


I have been blogging since 2008/2009. i first started blogging because i wanted a place to write down my thoughts instead of a classical hand written diary

I wasn't all interesting in writing my blog everyday at first as it looked really simple and plain, until when i decided to decorate it and found themes on blogskin i fell in love with writing in my blog
There are times when i can't write everyday though due to studying and private life, but i try my best to write down my blog, whatever the entry is
I named my site ohmoomin, because i thought that it would be a cute name, i had it for almost all the years i have been blogging, but at first it started off with just my name 'mayrebeccalok' then i changed it.


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